Life Abroad: Week Fifteen

May 18

Forever a part of my heart. Te amo Madrid <3

If you had asked me at any point in college if I was going to study abroad, my answer would’ve been something like: “probably not, but I wish.” Study abroad was something so foreign to me, an adventure reserved for more spontaneous kids with less credits needed to graduate. None of my close friends or family members had studied abroad; it was something I barely knew anything about. My decision to study abroad mainly stemmed from these reasons:

1) People (usually) never regret studying abroad, but many people regret NOT studying abroad. I hate the idea of missed opportunities.

2) After being cooped up in Ann Arbor for an entire year, I was itching for change. I felt like I was in a rut with life, like I needed some room to breathe.

3) So many of my friends/people I admire were applying, so I knew there was merit to it. Also, FOMO.

4) I figured out how to fit in a semester abroad while completing both degrees in four years (a possibility I had never even looked into earlier).

Alas, all good things must come to an end. I’m back in the US, back in Grand Rapids, sitting in the coffeeshop where I talked to Vaish and wrote my first blog post that night (summarizing 2021, you can find it by scrolling to the end of my posts). The cyclical nature of life provides deep comfort.

Doing a semester exchange has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. A common remark people joke about is “how study abroad changed you”. While as a person I haven’t fundamentally changed, I now see new aspects and facets of me coming to the forefront. Or maybe this is just me growing up. I ventured abroad with different goals I had loosely outlined in my head/talked about with friends, but my perspective has changed greatly after this semester. Here are my different takeaways/food for thought (outlined in no particular order):

Friendship

You don’t have to make new best friends: I wanted my abroad experience to be full of new, awesome, international friends that I felt really close to. If this happens for you, that’s amazing, but unfortunately this isn’t the case for everyone. From talking to other exchange students in different places, I’ve discovered it’s very dependent on school and location. Some schools do a great job at integrating international students into their college experience and culture whereas others (like my uni) don’t make that effort. For example, we met up with Rahul in Prague who had made amazing international friends largely because his school had set up weekend trips and events for kids to meet each other. This idea is also dependent on where you’re studying abroad. Although a place like Madrid attracts a lot of exchange students (for good reason), this also means a majority of students come abroad with friends they already know. Sure, they might still want to make new friends but at the end of the day many students also want comfort in a new culture and will choose to travel with the people they already know. So don’t feel bad if others try to harp on your abroad experience- everyone has a different set of circumstances, of priorities. Though fear not if this is something you want to prioritize, as you will have plenty of opportunities to meet people and make international friends in hostels, classes, and bars.
The joy of friendship: I was lucky to be in the same city as Casey, Aryan, and Tish. It was so special to have spent these past few months with them with nothing pressing to do besides hang out with each other. In Ann Arbor, it’s difficult to truly enjoy someone’s company because there’s always something else to do, someone else to see next, or something else on your mind causing stress and taking away from the moment. In Madrid, hanging out with them was practically the only obligation I felt committed to, and it was such a sincere pleasure to enjoy life together. It was also special because of how few of us there were. A small group meant intimacy, meant sharing rare moments and experiences that only we could really understand. Don’t get me wrong, I am so stoked to go back to Ann Arbor, to be in a big group of people I love, to be able to bounce around a crowd and give out hugs to people I haven’t seen in a while. At the same time, these few friends truly felt like my family during these months. Friendships are so rewarding, and my experience wouldn’t have been the same without them. I will truly miss overstaying our welcome at restaurants, bars, coffee shops, indulging in conversation and laughter until closing time. Thank you to the boys for always convincing me to go out (you know how to way too well). And to Casey for literally everything ever. Sleeping in the same bed, chatting until we fall asleep is probably the most awesome thing we’ve ever done.
Experienced conversationalist: I’m not an introvert but I’d always get nervous before hanging out with someone I haven’t seen in a while. My mind would always wander to the worst possible outcome and I’d always fret about what in the world should we talk about? before meeting up with the person. More often than I’d like to admit, I'd cancel or reschedule plans instead of following through. This semester, I was constantly meeting new people or seeing distant friends of friends because of how limited my connections were. If anyone had family or friends visiting, we’d meet them; if anyone was going to meet up with someone, they’d invite us to tag along. Through this, I became comfortable and confident with my ability to connect with someone in conversation no matter how well I knew them or how much time had passed. I don’t think this was necessarily a skill I lacked before, but rather one that I practiced so much during these months that it’s become a part of my toolbox.
Old friends in new places: I was beyond lucky to have had so many visitors in Madrid this semester: John/Sara/Eric, Sree/Jajoo/Josie, Jon, Nirvi/Linh, Akul/Ashish/Vikas. I also saw Reena in Croatia. Some of my favorite abroad memories were made in the most simple settings, like sharing conversation over cups of coffee with these friends. I felt so grateful these weekends to have familiar faces in a city that had become my home. Because I hadn’t seen them in months, it made the reunion all that sweeter.
No prior notions, no expectations: In Ann Arbor, most everyone shares a first or second degree connection (my friend is friends with your friend, sorry to use LinkedIn terms). Maybe it’s because of the smaller circles I run in due to my degrees, but everyone I meet seems to be connected to someone I know, somehow. It was such an unexpected pleasure to meet people and hear them talk about things I knew nothing about or people I knew nothing of. This is a treasure you don’t really get in Ann Arbor, also because of how vastly hetereogenous the pool of people I met were. I learned about summers in the countryside of Poland, where people canoe down rivers and drink vodka for days on end (can you believe that Polish people enjoy vodka that much). I learned about school traditions in Norway, where high schoolers celebrate graduation by wearing personalized overalls and complete dares while drinking all day. I learned from Kasia (my friend from school) about the dynamics of the kids in my classes- who hangs out with who, why the German kids stick together, why the three girls aren’t really friends. There were so many stories that weren’t gossip about people I knew or opinions on things I knew about- commentary that’s familiar in Ann Arbor. The last night in Madrid, Casey and I got tacos with Ying and Kasia and hearing Kasia talk about different people and stories was what made me most sad about leaving. All four of us are the same age and yet we come to the table with such different experiences and backgrounds, and will continue to live vastly different stories. This “Ann Arbor connection” phenomenon will be less prevalent post-grad but will probably never be as drastic as it was these past couple of months.

Lifestyle Changes

Less is more (with most things): I’ve touched on this with another post so I’ll keep it brief. Reducing the amount of people/clothing/options in my life made decisions easier and connections deeper. Simplicity isn’t derivative, it’s freeing.
Fashion: I love European fashion and presenting myself with sophistication. “Looking the part” honestly does go a long way and while I’m grateful I can now go to class in sweatpants, I’m going to try and maintain looking nice.
Walkable cities make all the difference: I never realized how much walking keeps you active while also letting you explore cities. Even though I barely exercised and did not eat nutritiously, walking 10,000+ steps a day maintained my health. Driving a car is great, but with good weather and walkable destinations/streets, I’d choose to walk almost every time. Coming back to America, it’s kind of scary looking at the difference in people’s health (I never realized how true some of the American sterotypes are)
Drinking habits: In college, drinking is something usually enjoyed on weekends to blow off steam and ensure a good time. Because drinking is so common in Europe, I found myself at a bar on weeknights at least 2-3 times a week. It was a form of communion and vehicle of conversation rather than an escapist “let’s get drunk and forget about school and stress”. I enjoyed my relationship with drinking this semester, and I think the bar scene is going to be so fun to explore next year.

Personal Growth

Embracing purposelessness: As someone who loves personal growth and makes an active effort to always improve one or more aspect of my life, this was the first semester I didn’t prioritize improvement in a particular area. I guess this blog could count as an area of growth, but writing about my experiences is something I usually do in my journal. So, I thought I would feel more lost than I actually did. Purpose was hard to cultivate when I had weekly flights on budget airlines; being on-the-go most weekends resulted in futile attempts at routine and discipline. Instead of feeling bad about this, I tried to embrace this feeling of purposelessness and turned that into a new purpose. Enjoyment, living in the moment, and peace became easier to attain and I realized more than ever what matters most to me because of this. I don’t care that much about work and professional success, as long as I’m doing a good enough job and can support myself- I realized this when my work commitments stopped, and I didn’t feel any less fulfilled. Instead, the things I craved were health, connection, expression, and peace. I care about being healthy through fueling my body with good food and exercise, I care about connecting with people and showing up for the ones that matter, I care about expression through art, emotion, storytelling, and conversation, and I care about feeling at peace with the way life unravels and the skills I have to face each curveball.
Everyone has opinions, everyone thinks they know everything, everyone will judge: Literally everyone, ever it seems has something to say about the way you’re approaching life. This dawned on me when Casey and I would talk about other people’s abroad experiences with each other or with others, dissecting how ours were similar/different. Things like how often you went out/drank, where you traveled to, who you traveled with, what you did when traveling, were all things that came up in conversation. After seeing so many examples of people doing things differently and people’s judgements/opinions of the other side, I came to the conclusion that everyone thinks their way is the best and will usually harbor judgement of other ways. For example, when I traveled this semester going out to clubs in other countries was not something I really ever did. At first I felt bad about this, because nightlife is one way to experience a culture. Then, I felt a weird sense of righteousness for not going to clubs, as if that really made me any better than any other study abroad kid. Waking up earlier to enjoy more of the daytime works for someone like me, but that doesn’t mean going out at night is a bad decision for everyone else. It’s just a different decision that has just as much justification for another person. Applying this thinking to other areas of life, I think I’ve become less judgemental over others’ decisions and instead try to live as truthful to my own self as I can.
Young enough to be completely spontaneous, old enough to be content with who we are: This age is a perfect time to travel because we’re still adaptable yet we have a good idea of who we are and what our preferences are. Some of my favorite nights happened because Tish and Aryan convinced us to stay out till 5am, giggling at yet another bar. If I’d had it my way, I would’ve been in bed at 11pm.Yes some of my favorite nights were those ones, watching movies with Casey, but leaving room for those crazy nights made for the best stories.
I like myself, a lot: I spent so much time tasting life by myself this semester. I took an (almost) week long solo trip, I spent days in the park and walking through the city and stopping for cappucinos and croissants. I truly felt like my own best friend this semester and I will dearly miss the amount of alone time I enjoyed.
I trust myself, a lot: As a younger sibling and the youngest of my family, I’m used to being taken care of by others. It’s a comfort I rellied on without even realizing until leaving for abroad. Now more than ever, I’m confident in myself, my abilities and my execution. I’ve never been this savvy in my life and it’s been such an area of growth knowing I no longer need to rely on other people for little things. I can now land in a new airport, figure out public transportation, plan an itinerary, and feel confident doing so without needing another person. This has made me feel more adult than ever, and I think it’s helped me carry myself more assuredly. Overall, my confidence has increased.
You’ll make it work, and you’ll enjoy the ride: No matter how things end up, you will find a way to believe this is exactly how it should’ve gone. If I didn’t study abroad, I’m sure I would’ve made decisions and memories that cemented the idea that another semester in Ann Arbor was the right decision. If I wasn’t based in Madrid, I’m sure I would’ve felt the same fondness and connection for whichever city I ended up in. We’re really good at convincing ourselves that the way things play out are exactly how they are supposed to happen. Likely because these memories are so deeply personal that it’s hard to vividly imagine another series of events being just as fruitful (it takes hindsight to come to conclusions, right). Also probably because there’s really no going back on decisions like this, so you have to embrace whatever you choose. The thought is eerily comforting, knowing that no matter what decision you make you’ll find fulfillment and peace.

I will miss this semester dearly and already look back on my time in Europe with rose-tinted glasses.

Thank you for everything you’ve taught me and everything I picked up along the way. Madrid, thank you for being my home for these months and for helping me realize the way life should be. Mairen, thank you for feeding us and being my mama in Madrid. Maritza, thank you for making our apartment feel like home. To IE, thank you for being the Spanish gossip girl university and for your awesome building. Thank you to all the beautiful parks for letting me snuggle my toes in your supple grass, to the coffee shops I wrote and chatted at while lounging at your tables, to Sala Equis for being reliable and having the best bar vibes, and to the quaint streets of La Latina that provided comfort, familiarity, and a way home. Thank you to the friends and family that visited, the friends I made along the way, and the friends who have been here reading these posts every week. But most importantly, thank you to my parents for being the reason any of this could even happen- without you, I am nothing. Your love and support is the gift I cherish most in this world.

Thanks for reading along for this series. Until I have another story to tell, and we meet again- happy living my dear friends <3

With love,

Rachel